Today is one of those days in which I am seriously struggling. I can't seem to find JOY in my classroom as of late. Dysregulation and frustration are two words that can describe the atmosphere right now, and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I'm trying my best to make it to Friday, December 20, at which time I will get an extended break and some much needed rest. But, I wonder if I need more than just a break and rest.
I keep thinking that maybe it's time for a change - grade level, school, district, career. Know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, I sometimes wonder if it's just time for new grass?
I'm normally the upbeat and positive one on my campus, but lately it has been quite noticeable that I'm different. So much so, that a colleague from another grade level came to check on me this afternoon. I literally started crying while trying to explain how I was feeling. She had so much empathy, and really wanted to help me troubleshoot the issues I'm having. I appreciate her for that.
For the last few years, I have lived by the mantra that "I am education professional, and I can do hard things...well!" This is the first time in a long time in which I feel like I can't do hard things well. I honestly feel rather ill-equipped to manage the types of behaviors being exhibited throughout my day.
And, all of it makes me sad.
Donnetta, I am sending you hugs. I have been feeling much the same this year. I hope this upcoming break rejuvenates you and restores your joy. You are amazing and inspire me every time we meet. -Heather
ReplyDeleteMore hugs are being ordered and sent your way. Your grass analogy is a good one. I hope the coming holiday will be the reprieve and fertilizer you need to recharge so that joy can be found again. But, I also know teaching is hard, esp. as the demands increase and the world changes. Embrace the new sod if it’s needed. You are strong and resilient and have already made a difference.
ReplyDeleteSometimes new grass is nice because it buys you some time before you realize that it isn't greener. And you can figure out what you really need. I hope that your winter break gives you some peace restoration.
ReplyDeleteThis story is so real. I feel this and everything you are saying makes sense. It is a really challenging time of year, but also, kids and school is very different. So much has changed and a lot makes me sad these days too. I hope you can get to your break and have needed rest and a reset. Sometimes it helps. For me, grade level changes have always helped me find new focus and joy in the job.
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