Let me give you a few examples. When my grade level team and I work on our shared lesson planning template, I want all the formatting to remain consistent...the date, bold words, the font. Even though no one outside our team and administration will see our plans, I will change, correct, these self-perceived errors to meet my self-perceived expectations of consistency.
Until recently, I used to treat my notebook the same way. The pages of my notebook had to be perfect...each page filled, most of the lines written on, well thought out pieces. If I had a thought or idea that I couldn't process through to perfectly fill a page, I would risk losing that idea. After all, I can't have random incomplete thoughts in my perfect notebook.
This past week I gave myself permission to use my notebook to capture whatever MAGIC "my genius" chooses to inspire me with. I choose to not let ideas, thoughts, and memories escape me. After all, I never know, my ideas could be MAGIC for someone else.
I understand the need for keeping the format consistent in your lesson plans. I don't know how many minutes I've wasted to get it just right even when in draft form. My husband would call this OCD, but I like your take. It's just a perfectionist tendency. Congratulations on giving yourself permission to write it all down and let format and appearance go. This is a good goal to set.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that passion for things to "look right" on the page or the screen. But I strongly endorse your letting that go to get the idea, the thought into your notebook. The notebook is always "works in progress"; I found a fragment in an old journal yesterday and made it my slice for today. Haven't done anything with it yet, but it has potential. Keep recording those thoughts and ideas, no matter how imperfect they seem at the moment.
ReplyDeleteLearning to get messy on the page is definitely something I have grappled with in recent years. I have definitely been the kind of person who even "saved" notebooks for that "just perfect" moment to write in. Now, I realize, notebooks were not made to be preserved BUT to be messed in.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we can grapple with our perfectionism together :)
Thank you for this post. I continually have to give myself permission to be free to be whatever I need to be on any given day.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh perfectionism. Now THAT's a character I could write some chapters about. She and I have a LONG and TANGLED history. And technically, I'm supposed to replace her with "pursuit of excellence," but that is a task easier said than done. Here's hoping your moments of grace with your notebook move your forward. =)
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